and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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