so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
