if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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