OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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