all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
tell me about the fingering
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
