Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
