its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
