last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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