Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ttyl tear gas
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
