A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
