You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize