More tranny stories later!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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