Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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