dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
