You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
