My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
