new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
