Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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