I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
