Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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