i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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