Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
