he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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