After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
