4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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