cat food counts as protein by the way
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
