I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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