I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
