She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
