Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
