Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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