i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
