this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
