He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
third nipple confirmed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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