i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
