Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
