I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sobbing to NWA
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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