making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He better not be in your backpack
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
