So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
