Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
