Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My liver just had a heart attack.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
