david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Boobs are out for the taking
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
