omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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