Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
