Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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