I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
