You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
