I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
