areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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