we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
