conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
