I heard we made out
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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