Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
