I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
