the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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