her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
