I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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