His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
