I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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