wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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