I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
