he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
