if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
we're so committed to being not committed
there is puke in my bra ... again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
