Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize