so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
smell my finger.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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