NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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