Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
